A Chronic Illness is a bit like a maze, if mazes had no ending, no out and no winning involved.
Having a chronic illness turn up on your doorstep when you’re literally in the best shape of your life is something I don’t think I can put into words yet.
I’ve been struggling through a few different things for the better part of a year or two (or three) now and to be quite honest, I thought I had everything under control, for the most part of that time it was pretty manageable, I had a few bad day and they were few and far between, I could do anything I wanted without having to think much about it other that managing pain, I thought that was what it was going to be.
BOY WAS I WRONG
Fatigue was something i was used to pushing through, i didn’t know that doing that could completely screw my life up until it did. A simple workout burnt me out completely out of the blue, one day I went to the gym, did half of a workout, something felt wrong so i stopped and went home, and I’ve been paying for it ever since. Its been roughly 4 months since that day, and my life has changed dramatically.
I guess the hardest thing for people to comprehend, that bodies can break, give up, quit on you, not get any better and remain completely normal. I’ve learnt that a body can only handle so much at one time, and a simple workout for me was a very long coming breaking point, and I unhappily let Chronic Fatigue move into my already complex life and it has made itself right at home.
Googles definition of Chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) is that its a disorder characterized by extreme fatigue or tiredness that doesn’t go away with rest and can’t be explained by an underlying medical condition.
My definition is that its a real invisible unwanted bitch.
We have fights daily about what I can and can’t do and I really reached a point about a month ago where I just had enough and gave up fighting it. It lets me go to work most days, lets me go to appointments I need to and on the weekends if I promise to spend the next day doing sweet nothing it lets me wrestle. That’s the extent of my life now because of chronic fatigue (aka my leach of a best friend). Work, Medical appointments and Wrestling.
I’ve learnt while learning to live a new way that i have to advocate for myself with everything, I enjoy screaming loudly into a void about things that need to be talked about more, as an outlet for me but also as an educational tool for other people.
‘Wrestling with Endometriosis’ is my place to paint my feeling, give encouragement to sisters who feel like they can’t achieve great things because they feel invalid, discouraged and exhausted, a place to celebrate the little (BIG) things, and an educational tool for my friends to understand what things are, whats happened, how they can help and support me and maybe a few other people in their lives.
My name is Steph/Grace and I Wrestle with Endometriosis (and like a bunch of other stuff) Physically and Mentally.